Last week, I visited my midwife and had the standard issue six week post birth check-up. I expected a typical visit, pap smear, belly check, etc. Before the examination began, I was handed a questionnaire, which I suppose is typical to give new moms at this stage. The questions ranged from ‘are you less happy now’, ‘do you cry a lot’, etc. I answered the questions, disrobed and was ready for a pleasant visit with Amy.

I handed my answers over, hummed to myself, then heard Amy begin counting – she was adding up the scores to my answers. Turns out I was a ‘12’, which is at the low-end of the metric where care givers begin getting concerned for a new mom’s well-being. I was shocked, then realized that some of the answers I gave were spot on:

-I have worried more than usual

-I have cried for no reason

-My happiness has waned a bit as my mind constantly wonders about a myriad of topics that new moms (plus my typical imaginative self pokes in my head) probably shouldn’t worry about

-I haven’t made an effort to leave the house every day, even for an hour (I sit writing this in my old coffee shop hangout, complete with favorite hat pulled low over my eyes,  purchased in Paris, OF COURSE)

-I have indeed lived in yoga pants and tank tops for the majority of these weeks. My hair is getting longer (which I love) but I’m yet to master the speed and grace of prepping it while baby sleeps

As these realizations flooded my mind, I started to cry right then and there. Since Day 1, I’ve spent the bulk of my time making sure little Liljana is OK. Her being a month early seeded the notion in my head that this girl needed extra attention (which she did). What I forgot to do was go back to basics and make sure Blagica is ok. Oh sure, I still connected with the world through my emails, tweets and the blog posts I read,  but I realized it wasn’t enough.

Michael always told me to go out for a walk, shop, etc. I would now and then, but the combination of the winter weather, being a new Mom and not fitting in my clothes rolled into a snowball effect of physical inertia. Then there are the new challenges that come with breast feeding, cleaning mounds of baby poo that managed to appear on my daughter’s back and cleaning more on a daily basis (two adults + a baby at home 24/7 equates to more dust and kitchen cleanup). I also come from a family of women that are Super Women: cook, clean, bounce three babies on one arm, work full time, never eat until everyone else does, yada yada...

Before my visit to Amy, I was slowly getting out of my shell, but the questionnaire was a wake up call to something I didn’t even realize. I was worrying so much about needing to be PRESENT for Liljana that I wasn’t getting enough fresh air and random Mama Time.

I began revving up my ‘me’ time, which happened to mean seeing old friends from my dot com days and attending some pretty geeky get togethers. Hey, that’s what I enjoy so don’t knock it until you try itJ. Another bonus to my visit with Amy, all things checked out well and I have some New Mom groups to contact, should I need a posse of ladies to chat with.