When Lily Smiles
Some call it gas. Others call it a simple reflex. Whatever you call it, my daughter started to grin like crazy lately. It rocks.
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Feb 7
Feb 4
Taking Care of Mama, Something I Forgot to Do
Last week, I visited my midwife and had the standard issue six week post birth check-up. I expected a typical visit, pap smear, belly check, etc. Before the examination began, I was handed a questionnaire, which I suppose is typical to give new moms at this stage. The questions ranged from ‘are you less happy now’, ‘do you cry a lot’, etc. I answered the questions, disrobed and was ready for a pleasant visit with Amy.
I handed my answers over, hummed to myself, then heard Amy begin counting – she was adding up the scores to my answers. Turns out I was a ‘12’, which is at the low-end of the metric where care givers begin getting concerned for a new mom’s well-being. I was shocked, then realized that some of the answers I gave were spot on:
-I have worried more than usual
-I have cried for no reason
-My happiness has waned a bit as my mind constantly wonders about a myriad of topics that new moms (plus my typical imaginative self pokes in my head) probably shouldn’t worry about
-I haven’t made an effort to leave the house every day, even for an hour (I sit writing this in my old coffee shop hangout, complete with favorite hat pulled low over my eyes, purchased in Paris, OF COURSE)
-I have indeed lived in yoga pants and tank tops for the majority of these weeks. My hair is getting longer (which I love) but I’m yet to master the speed and grace of prepping it while baby sleeps
As these realizations flooded my mind, I started to cry right then and there. Since Day 1, I’ve spent the bulk of my time making sure little Liljana is OK. Her being a month early seeded the notion in my head that this girl needed extra attention (which she did). What I forgot to do was go back to basics and make sure Blagica is ok. Oh sure, I still connected with the world through my emails, tweets and the blog posts I read, but I realized it wasn’t enough.
Michael always told me to go out for a walk, shop, etc. I would now and then, but the combination of the winter weather, being a new Mom and not fitting in my clothes rolled into a snowball effect of physical inertia. Then there are the new challenges that come with breast feeding, cleaning mounds of baby poo that managed to appear on my daughter’s back and cleaning more on a daily basis (two adults + a baby at home 24/7 equates to more dust and kitchen cleanup). I also come from a family of women that are Super Women: cook, clean, bounce three babies on one arm, work full time, never eat until everyone else does, yada yada...
Before my visit to Amy, I was slowly getting out of my shell, but the questionnaire was a wake up call to something I didn’t even realize. I was worrying so much about needing to be PRESENT for Liljana that I wasn’t getting enough fresh air and random Mama Time.
I began revving up my ‘me’ time, which happened to mean seeing old friends from my dot com days and attending some pretty geeky get togethers. Hey, that’s what I enjoy so don’t knock it until you try itJ. Another bonus to my visit with Amy, all things checked out well and I have some New Mom groups to contact, should I need a posse of ladies to chat with.
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Feb 1
Liljana turns 7 weeks on Thursday. I can't believe it. With my maternity leave ending this month, the mornings are more precious.
Cherishing Our Mornings
There's nothing like the quiet time I have with my little girl. Making up songs, inspecting her features and noticing the changes that seemed to pop up overnight are rolled into our morning time. I continue to make my daughter cry by kissing her too much.
Holding little Lily is like Christmas morning everyday. I don't think I'll ever need another present again.
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Jan 22
Mom's First Night Out
Last night, I ventured out to see some old friends, while donating for a good cause: Chicago Helps Haiti. It was the first time in five weeks that I went somewhere besides Target, the mailbox or the doctor's office. It was the first time I actually decided to put makeup on and do something new with my hair aside from the clip/ponytail. Finding something to wear was like a stand-up comedy act. I am loving my post baby body and am in no rush to go on some crash course diet, however, it'd be nice to have some of my old tops and jeans fit. My hips expanded and my chest exploded. I settled for my maternity jeans and a poncho.
Michael and I have an incredible system set-up for baby watch. Given we are both active, in some capacity, with the digital world, we trade off with the events/tweet-ups we attend. Yesterday was my night. I was able to muster enough pulling and tugging to get my old winter coat to fit, descended down the elevator and hit the street. What seemed to be a pretty basic thing to do (walking to the El, sit on train, walk the few blocks to the bar) instantly changed. I couldn't shake what feeling came over me, but then it hit me - I was leaving the house a MOM. Let me explain... I tend to use any of my city walks, adventurers or even basic work commute as a time to observe, think and ponder. Chicago is a gorgeous city and it's always been my 'other' boyfriend since 1998. I would plug in the iPod, think about a problem I was having, daydream about living in Paris or imagine what my little girl looked like. There I was walking in the city with a new sense of responsibility - I had a little baby at home that relied on me for food, cuddling and safety. I still felt carefree as I made my way down Grand Avenue, but I was more cautious crossing the street and was a wee more anal when I looked down an alley. It was one of the most empowering feelings I've had since first visiting Chicago in 1996. At that time, I was a sophomore in college and made a promise to myself to move here and make a big splash. Fast forward 14 years and I'm married, have a new baby and a career I love. All of those warm and fuzzy feelings continued as I opened the doors to the Haiti benefit. I saw a bunch of my old friends (Jeff and I are pictured above) and it felt terrific. Granted, I was winded from talking so much and hugging so many people in a short amount of time, but I enjoyed every second of it. Three hours whizzed by and another feeling came over me - I missed Liljana. It was coming close to her bedtime and I kept calling Michael to see how my little croissant was doing. I made it home a little later than I thought and missed my little baby's eyes close. Needless to say, I was happy she woke up at 1 am for her feeding. Sure, I was a zombie like I am every night, but it didn't phase me one bit.Comments [1]
Jan 21
Back to My Roots: The 40 Day Baby Hibernation
As this blog evolves, the goal is to pay homage to how I was raised, added in some modern twists or two. I've been copying images from my mom's albums. This picture is of me and my older sister, Valentina.
One of the old world traditions I've been honoring is keeping Liljana indoors for the first 40 days of her life (aside from doctor's appointments, of course). Many cultures have various newborn things they do and mine is no different. I don't think it's as common to practice the 40 Day Hibernation rule, but I've been loving it. It doesn't hurt that it's wicked cold outside and I'd rather keep my little girl indoors, warm and cozy.
I asked my mother about the 40 Day tradition and wanted to know where it came from. She tells me that many women in the village thought that the first days of a baby's life made her open to spirits, bad people, etc. Keeping a baby indoors was a way to protect, but also build up the baby's immune system.
Fact? Fiction? Who knows, but it's my way of instilling some traditions with my new family, along with recognizing the ways things were back when. Five days to go!
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